Pi Attitude Zone: Affiliation & Cohesion
You Kissed Me. Why Was That?
“You must remember this: a kiss... is just a kiss”.
Really? Women don’t seem to think so, though most men do. Sam, the jazz piano-player who sang those famous words in the movie Casablanca, was of course... just a man.
So a kiss is just a kiss? If you’re female, it’s way more than that, according to a survey of over a thousand students by New York State University. Women, as revealed by that study, “Use kissing as a way to assess the recipient as a potential partner, and later to maintain intimacy and to check the status of a relationship”. For the female of our species, kissing is a complex and important bonding mechanism with a potential or existing romantic partner.
Men, by contrast, think of kissing as a different kind of test, not least as a way of assessing the likelihood of getting the other person into the sack. Both genders thus treat kissing as exploratory, but with quite different purposes in mind. (As someone once perceptively put it, women need a reason to go to bed with someone. Men just need a place).
These differences in expectation have a lot to do with feelings. Feelings, as all men know, are extremely tricky things, baffling and unreliable, and usually best avoided altogether since they are usually a trap for the unwary and a sneaky way for women to get what they want.
Men’s dubious attitudes to feelings cause them to communicate differently, less often, and a lot less fulsomely. The reasons are complex, but are mostly included in the following checklist:
- Boys are not brought up to express themselves
- Men use language to make points, as forcefully as possible
- They believe actions speak louder than words
- Males think emotions are a sign of weakness
- The more you discuss your feelings, the greater your chance of looking like a chump
Women, however, prefer obliquely angling around to things, and if possible getting someone else to say what they’re thinking, so they can retreat behind “Oh, you’re soooo right”, or “Goodness, I really hadn’t thought of it like that”. Men seem to hate all that indirection and evasion. It feels to them like an exasperating waste of time.
So a big thing that separates the sexes is how they’re feeling. Pi says: what really counts is your preference for (a) expressing your feelings at length or (b) kissing it off and lapsing into silence.
Either way, you’ll need to kiss and make up afterwards.Zone: Affiliation & Cohesion Country: Multiple Geographies Product –